Eric Chapman lowered his broad, powerful frame onto a chair in the Belvedere County Jail’s C-Pod common area. Elbows resting on his knees, his face settled into his hands. Eric’s size, roughly twice that of every other man in the group sitting there, caused the others present to pay attention to him.
“Whatcha in for?” chirped a small, wiry guy nearby.
Still struggling to come out of a fitful sleep in unfamiliar surroundings, Eric didn’t respond at once. The little fellow looked around at the men gathered there. Then his gaze returned to the big man. He watched the newcomer carefully, an expression of expectation playing across his face.
“Ya know,” the runt continued cautiously, after looking around to make sure no corrections officer was within earshot, “like I’m here ’cause I tried to rob a convenience store.” The diminutive man nodded toward another man sitting in the group, “He’s in for beating up his old lady.” Eyeing Eric’s massive bulk, he whispered excitedly, “Whatcha do, kill somebody?”
Now at the center of the group’s unwanted attention, Eric reluctantly moaned. “No.”
The persistent little guy pressed on. “So? What then?”
Eric realized the only way to rid himself of this pest was to tell him what he wanted to know. Diffidently, he answered, “My father-in-law came over this past Sunday to babysit our kids while my wife and I snuck away for some together time. He’s retired and does that for us every so often.”
“Did ya kill him?” someone asked hesitantly.
“No, I didn’t kill him!” Eric responded, shocked by such a notion. His voice was louder than he’d intended. He furtively peered around the large room. The big man was unaccustomed to the thought processes of the average criminal. “No. We get along pretty good. Or we did,” he finished with an audible sigh.
“Well,” chuckled another fellow dressed in an orange jumpsuit the inmates wore, “having the in-laws over ain’t enough to land ya in here, mister.” Eric Chapman shot a stern look at the man. The recipient of the glare swallowed hard and added meekly, “Just sayin’.”
“Nah. It wasn’t like that. You see, my father-in-law invited his best buddy over to the house to watch the big game with him while he kept the kids.”
“Did ya kill his friend?” another persisted.
“No,” replied an exasperated Chapman. “The television went blank right before the game started. So, my father-in-law’s friend, being a Mr. Fix-It, climbed up on the roof to check the antenna.”
“And so what?”
“So, my father-in-law’s pal is the retired chief of police.”
“Yeah?”
“The antenna’s a dummy. It doesn’t do anything.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So, I’ve been stealing cable television for years and never got caught … until now.” ©
